She Is Always Smiling

She Is Always Smiling
By: Releign Laurette

She is always smiling. There is no other verb that would be suitable to describe this particular girl I know in campus. Her smile is so vibrant that when you see her posing those sweet curving lips of hers as she pass by, you can’t resist posing same sweetness on your gloomy face. There is some kind of a curse that surrounds her aura that even on a rainy day, whenever she’s around, you can’t help see past the dark and wet cloud, that beautiful sun hiding behind that curtain rain. If you are afraid of contagious diseases, her laugh is the least disease that you would try to avoid. Once she starts laughing, even without any knowledge of what was funny, you can’t resist the tickling feeling her laugh makes in your stomach. I should say, she’s one of a kind and her name is…honestly, I don’t know. I barely know her name but I know most of her ups and downs. Altogether, she has a smiling face and transparent flesh that reveals her soul.

I could still remember how I first knew of her existence. I was on my third year in college, first semester during those times. For an introvert like me, I found refuge at the library. For me, it was the safest place in campus. During that day, I was climbing up the stairs as I usually do since the staircase was the quietest and least crowded way to reach the top floor, when a group of friends came out from the sixth floor where the cafeteria was located. They were chatting, laughing, and joking so loud that their noise was echoing up to the ground floor. I was on the fourth floor by that time and tried to hush them. For a moment, there was silence until a guy told a joke and made their girl companion laugh so hard. I got annoyed at them especially with the girl because of her shallowness to process such a corny joke as a funny one but as their conversation progressed, I found myself slightly smiling because of the same shallowness. I coughed a little to clear my throat and it echoed along the stairway. I was a little embarrassed especially when I noticed that the stairway was seemingly empty due to the silence and all that I heard next was the sound of a closing door. Hmm…eleventh floor must be their stop. That’s good, I thought. When I reached the twelfth floor, I stopped for a while and sighed. Finally, I said again while wiping the sweat dripping on my face. I pulled the handle of the door and swung it open. At the twelfth floor, fewer students hang out there compared to the other floors. I don’t why but my speculation is that students were lazy to use the stairs, end of story. Furthermore, there were rumours going around about ghost sightings, these might have scared the hell out of them. However, none of it was even proven true so it never raised even a single hair at my nape. Just right past the bookshelves on my right from where I stood; there was a long built-in table below the window. I’d always choose to stay at the part facing the last window on my right, located at the corner before the glass walled rooms. Though the whole library may be deafening silent, that particular corner has the kind of atmosphere that I was looking for; peaceful, security, and solace that made the spot perfectly made for me. As I was approaching the area, I was surprised to see a girl sitting on my place. In my head, I wanted to kick her out but that would have been rude so I took a deep breath and decided to take the seat next to hers. First, I laid out the books that I must read and piled them to my left. Then, I pulled out a pen from my pencil case and a piece of paper to write on and placed my bag under the table. I gently pulled the chair and sat. I simply tilted my head a little to my right and try to catch a closer look at the girl on my right. Her hair was pulled up in a bun and her eyes were fixed on the book that she was reading. She wasn’t deadly gorgeous but she was a little attractive maybe, on that angle only. I also noticed that she was smiling as she flipped to the next page. Next, I tried to catch a glimpse of what she was reading but it was as if she noticed that I was looking and tried to cover the page with her palm. I slowly turned my head straight and pulled out one book from my left. I can’t believe she stole my spot! I thought. Hmmm…but at least she isn’t making any noise. I counter-thought. As soon as I was to flip open the cover of my book, the girl stood up, pushed her chair, gathered her things, closed her book, and left. I caught a quick glimpse on the cover of the book she was reading. It has a spooky cover, a novel, if I wasn’t mistaken, a thriller. As soon as she left, I took her seat. I expected that would be the last time I would see her but it wasn’t. For ten consecutive school days, she always sat on that same spot, reading the same book. How many days will it take her to finish one book? It wasn’t a thick book yet; she spent quite a long time to finish one book. Besides, she could have borrowed it in order for her to be able to finish it at home, I said to myself as I took the same seat beside her. As soon as she was about to leave, her zodiac bookmark slipped off her book and fell to the floor. I pushed my chair away and stooped down to reached for her bookmark but when I stood up, she was out of sight. Hmmm, I guess she’s a Scorpio, says her bookmark. Shheeez, she’s a fast walker. She might be an athlete but I’ve never seen her during intramurals. Well, I’d see her here again tomorrow for sure. Well, I don’t know everybody and to be exact, I don’t know anyone. I said as I slipped the bookmark in between the page of my physics book. I glimpsed at my watch, it was half past one o’clock.

The next day, I was on my way to my Physics class when I saw her with her two friends. They were sitting at the benches near the cafeteria in front of the Physics laboratory. Her guy friend was telling a joke that I honestly didn’t get but made her and her other friend laugh out loud. They were throwing jokes and teasing each other about their present, their future, and even their past. They were like the group of students who destroyed my “alone” time when I was going to the twelfth floor two weeks ago. Wait, I said in my head as I sat on one of the benches on their other side, adjacent to theirs and eavesdropped.  Her laugh was the same with the laugh made by that shallow minded girl last time! I was surprised and curious, at the same time, to think that the lunatic I was seeing that moment was also that quiet girl whom I usually sit with at the library. I wanted to approach her to return her bookmark but I felt nervous and hesitated instead. Nah…that might be just her twin. I’d just give to her later this morning if ever she shows up in the library. Before I left, I noticed that several groups of friends near her group were trying to hide their laughter while some bystanders couldn’t help but cover their mouths and move forward. Yet, they didn’t seem to bother especially her who had been making ugly facial expressions which slightly amused me either. I shook my head and smiled. Interesting, I said to myself and moved on.  
It was past one o’clock. I rushed to the library hoping to find her there, but she was nowhere to be found. I should have given her the bookmark when I had the chance. Maybe, she got bored reading the same book. I said to myself. I took the spot and went on reading my books. Somehow, I missed the days when she used to sit beside me reading that book of hers. I’ve never felt this loneliness before. If I’m not mistaken, it took me three consecutive school days ‘till it came to me that I lost the chance to give her bookmark back. From then on, I refrained from spending my time alone in the library. During my breaks, I would eat at different cafeterias inside and out of campus, walk around campus, sat on benches, but anywhere I go she was out of sight. Along the process, I had time talking with some of my classmates, met some of my seniors as I share seats with me during my lunch time, and helped some lower batches who lost their way around campus. I even tried asking them if they know her by describing her appearance and her two friends but they were right. There were thousands of us entering at the same university, how would it be possible to know them all? This time, I’ve given up. I guess I have to get used to the fact that I won’t be seeing her again. Maybe this loneliness is temporary since I’ve never really had anyone with me during break time. I said to myself.
One stormy morning, almost two weeks when we last met, I was sitting on one of the benches near the entrance gate of our school. I was exhausted from the one and a half hour trip from our house to school and I was ranting to myself about the flood and heavy rain that I had to bear just to finish my one year in college. My books were wet and so were my paper works. I had to pull them out and lay them on the floor and wait ‘till they dry. “Sir, Ma’am do I really have to pull all my things out? Believe me. They are all just books, notebooks, and my hand outs. I don’t have any laptops or gadgets except for my cell phones.” A girl argued with the security guards. “Miss, please pull them out of the garbage bag. It’s for security purposes.” The lady guard ordered. Garbage bag? This girl is insane! I said to myself. I tilted my head a bit and see what was happening.  Then I realized, it wasn’t insane at all. Her things were all dry in spite of her dripping wet bag. “See? I told you.” She said as she fixed her things back in her bag. “May I have some of your scotch tape?” They handed her some and she thanked them. As soon as she finished, she zipped her bag and trotted towards me. As soon as her image gotten closer and closer, I realized that her face was familiar. It was the girl that I was looking for. She was the one who owned the Scorpio bookmark. It’s my chance. I had to give it to her but where is it? I said to myself as I searched beneath my papers for her bookmark. I was getting frustrated at the same time anxious as she comes closer and closer. Here she is. Here she is but where is the bookmark? I said to myself while unconsciously staring at her with puzzled eyes. When her eyes met mine, there was some kind of contact between us. It was as if our eyes talked to each other asking why we were staring at each other, then at the slightest moment, she smiled. I froze a bit. What to do? What to do? Was I hallucinating that she smiled at me? Does she remember me? My head was frozen together with time and all I can do was watch her pass by me. Stupid! I slapped my forehead. I gathered all my things together and decided to walk to my room. Again, she was nowhere to be found however, I noticed people walking passed by me, smiling back at me. That’s weird, they can see me! I turned to my right and entered the boy’s washroom. I washed my face thinking there was some dirt on it, amusing people, and making me visible to them but when I raised my face and stared at my reflection, I realized. Water can’t wash away the dirt that was making me visible because this dirt that I have was the same dirt that she left before she disappeared lately. I was smiling sweetly all along.

          It was exactly one o’clock. I decided to kill the rest of my break time in the library. Maybe I should start looking for the book that she was reading. I guess she has finished it all along. I said in my head and my body agreed to the idea. I was about to save the seat first before looking for the book when I saw her sitting there already. What a luck! I said. This time, I already remembered where I placed her bookmark. I saw it lately during my physics lecture class. I pulled the bookmark out and slowly approached her place. My heart was racing. I felt the blood rushing through my veins from my heart to my face. I even thought I was turning red but I can’t waste this moment. I gathered all the strength that I can have and said hi to her softly. She didn’t move. Okay, that was awkward, I thought. I said Hi to her softly for the second time. Again, there was no response. I sighed. I sat beside her and gazed at her for a while. Wow! Not seeing her for a while made her pretty in my eyes.  “Excuse me.” She said smiling at me as she removed her earphones. EARPHONES?!? That explains a lot. I sighed. “Hi. I’m sorry to bother you but your foot has been shaking my foot and when I looked at you, you were staring at me. Is there any problem?” She said. My foot. Shaking her foot?!? Awkward. Really awkward! “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you but I was calling you lately because I wanted to hand you your…your…ahmm, wait. Your…” Oh my, where is that bookmark again? I thought I placed it inside my pocket? I placed my bag down and looked at my bag’s pockets. “I’m sorry. It’ll be quick.” I explained to her as I rummage my bag. She just smiled at me and waited. “Ah! Got it. I just wanted to give back your bookmark. You left it last time.” I handed the bookmark to her but she just smiled at me. “Is that also the reason why you were looking at me later this morning? Thank you but I have lots of bookmarks. You can have it if you like.” She said and smiled again. She remembered me! I can hear my ears pooping out because of too much heat. Stay calm. “Thank you.” I said as I slipped the bookmark inside my pocket. I sat back and went on with our usual doings. I gazed upon what book she was reading and noticed that she was still reading the same book. “Ahm, excuse me. Sorry for meddling but as I can see you’ve been reading that book for a long time. You know, you can use your I.D to borrow that if you want to finish it at home.” I said while feeling embarrassed a bit for being too out-spoken. I thought she would stand up and leave for making her feel stupid but she just giggled softly and explained to me. “Yes. I know I can borrow the book but it spoils the excitement of the next chapter.” I didn’t understand her. “Look, it’s kinda weird but I have this certain routine where in I only read one chapter a day and fantasize what will happen to the next chapter tomorrow. If I bring it at home, the routine will be broken since I’ll be so curious that I won’t wait ‘till the next day to finish it.” She explained further. I really didn’t get her logic but I pretended as if I understood her. Again, she smiled at me and continued reading. I didn’t want to bother her anymore and kept my apologies to myself. That night, I was tossing and turning. My head was filled with questions how and what. She has a weird way of taking things. I said to myself as I fell asleep.
It’s twelve fifty-five on my watch. Well, if I want to see her, I gotta hurry. After class, I packed my things and rushed to the library. I was panting when I reached the twelfth floor of the library. I grasped on my handkerchief and wiped my face from sweat. I looked for the nearest water fountain and gulp every single drop of water running out of it. I wasn’t contented with just wiping my face, I want to be sure! I had a quick visit to boy’s washroom and made sure I was looking fine, no dirt on my face, smelled great, looked good. I went out, inhaled and exhaled really hard. As usual, she was sitting there, where she usually does. This time, she was just about to tie her hair up. She has a long straight black hair about reaching her hips with soft waves at the bottom part. She was wearing her usual get up; t-shirt, jeans, and rubber shoes. She has her big backpack which seemed to contain her whole house. She’s...She’s..Am I studying her?  I swallowed. Am I attracted to her? Nah, maybe I’m just appreciative with the fact that I have someone to talk to now after three years of being lonely. I shook my head and continued to sit beside her. “Hi.” I said as I smiled at her. “Hello.” She said as she smiled back. “So? How’s the story going?” I asked her. “Well, I’m currently at chapter fifteen.” She narrated gleefully. While listening to her, I can imagine how the characters interacted with each other, the scene. Her words gave life to the story that it seemed as if a 3D movie in my head. “Well, I got to go now. Still have classes to attend to. Nice chatting with you and thank you for your time.” She closed her book and glanced at me. She flashed a sweet smile and went away.  This went on for days to weeks to months. As she turned from one chapter to another, she took me with her through sharing what she has read from the book. Not fully, but a little, I get to understand what she meant when she said “it spoils the excitement.” By and by, I felt that same excitement that she was explaining. I looked forward for her story time like a kid pushing his mother for a bedtime story.
One rainy morning, I saw her wiping her eyes with the back of her hand and tilting her head up. I got it. She can’t wipe her nose. I grabbed my handkerchief from my pocket and reached it to her. “You might as well take this to wipe your nose or else you’d have to clean it off with your shirt.” She tried to smile while her tears continue to roll down her cheeks. I turned my chair facing her and sat on it. “Why are you crying? That’d be strange. You are usually joking around and laughing lively. Is it because of your midterm grades? You know, grades aren’t the only basis of intelligence and…” Before I could finish what I was trying to say she chuckled and covered her mouth. “I never thought you’d be that talkative. I’ve always done the talking for the past days while you start the conversation. No matter how many times I fail, I’ll just laugh it away. What can I say? Shit happens.” She chuckled again. “My deduction might be wrong. Well at least, I made you laugh.”  I said as I rubbed my head and bowed a bit. “Yes, yes. You did but as you know I love laughing so it wouldn’t be that hard to make me laugh. Besides, I wasn’t crying because of my grades. I was crying because I was moved by this second to the last chapter.” She explained. This time, she made me laugh a bit. “Moved? Honestly? You cried just because of a book?” She pushed the book aside and leaned on her hand. “I don’t know if you’re a book lover ‘cause I’m not even a book lover.” I laughed at her once more and she hushed me because it was a bit loud. “As I was saying, I may not be a book lover but I love the books that I read and treat them as family.” This girl is nuts! Crying over books and now, treating books as family?!? “Okay. Tell me more about it.” I said trying to convince myself that there will be something logical behind her slightly nutty reasoning. “Hmmm…well…I don’t read a lot. I hate reading but once I get a hold of a book and felt that it’ll be interesting, I’d stick my nose to it and finish it off. I’ve read a few and I do remember each of them. I don’t read books with the same plot or books with predictable endings. I hate them. I hate being predictable.” She paused for a while and glanced at her watch. “Oh no! I’ll be late! Sorry but I have to go. Its past one o’clock! I’ll tell you the story tomorrow. Don’t be late, okay?” Again, she flashed her sweetest smile and rushed away. How will I ever forget her?, I said while staring at her rush her way to the staircase.  
After months of reading with her, we’ve finally reached the last chapter of the book. It was ten o’clock in the morning. I feared this day to come. It felt like now that we reached the final chapter so will our friendship be. Will she forget me after this day? Maybe I should introduce new books to her. Since she loves thrillers, I need to look for similar books. Wait! She’s very particular with what kind of book to read. All these ideas ran through my head as I scanned my bookshelf to look for any book that she might be fond of. It was half past twelve when I reached the library and as expected she was there sitting at the corner at the same spot at the same floor. “Hi! I’m sorry I’m a bit late.” I dropped my bag on the floor and promptly sat. “Well, what happened?” I asked. She smiled at me and started telling what she read. She has that sweet and gleeful sounding voice. Even when I closed my eyes, I could see the smile at her face and no matter how chilling or shuddery the story went, I still felt her high-spirited character that lights and excites my every waking moment. “Hey. Hey. You, sleeping while I tell a story, was not part of what we’ve agreed with. If you are not interested with it, then you should have just told me so.” She said while shaking my right shoulder. Oh no! “I’m sorry. I wasn’t sleeping.” Think of an alibi. “I learned from our literature professor that it is better to close your eyes while listening. It helps you picture out the whole story. You should try it.” Thank God! You gave me an alibi. I grinned to make everything even credible. “Yeah right. As if I can even do that while reading.” She said as she slightly patted on my shoulder. “Well, I can always read you another book. I’ll do the same things that you did to me. I’ll follow the same routine. You see, I brought some new books that she might get interested with. I’ve read them all.” I said trying to convince her to continue showing up to me. I wanted to tell her if we could go out or could we be friends. I wanted to beg her but I couldn’t. I was afraid she might turn me down. I was afraid she might feel embarrassed or freak-out to the highest extent. A stranger asking her out, won’t that scare the hell out of anyone? Stranger? Yeah, after all those days together, I haven’t asked her name nor did she. Maybe I should tell her mine then ask hers. What should I do? I was starting to lose my senses with the silence revolving around us. Woah! I guess it wasn’t really a good idea to ask a girl for a date in the library. Date?!? Erase. Erase. This isn’t a date. I just want to know her name and make good friends. Period. To break the silence, I chuckled a bit and changed the topic. She just paused for a while as if thinking deeply. The silence was really killing me. “Hmmm…sorry if I was speechless. I was really thinking about accepting your proposal. However, I really have the habit of resting for months before reading another book. Maybe, next time. I’d have to turn down your request. Besides, I don’t sense anything interesting with your books, don’t get offended. It’s nothing personal but I really can’t sense the wanting to read anything there.” She grinned and glanced at her watch. She hasn’t even seen any of the books. But it doesn’t matter now. I should ask her name before it’s too late. “No problem.” I smiled at her. “You see, I realized…” Wait, listen first. Please. Please drop your things first and listen to me. “Hey, I have to go. Thank you for your time. I really had a good time with you.” She said and smiled again. I need to toughen up. “Hey, wait. You haven’t asked my name. I’m…” Before I could even finish, she butted in. “I’m sorry I really need to go. It’s half past one.  Let’s just chat next time. Bye.” She smiled and briskly left. “I’m Bryan.” She’s gone. It felt as if she was going to be away for a long time and I lost the only chance to know her even deeper.
I was right. It was the last time that I would be seeing her. Like the story that she read to me, she vanished like a ghost. After thirty-six days, even her shadow was nowhere to be found. For three days, I waited for her, sitting on that same spot, trying to convince myself that she might show up. She did this last time. Maybe she’s sick. Maybe she’s…maybe she’s…I’d just wait. I will wait. From three to five days, from five days to a month. I used to make myself believe that I just wanted to know her but all these empty days that I  managed to break through just made me realized, I loved her. I missed her. I missed her gleeful voice. I missed her pretty face. I missed her wonderful smile. She wasn’t the perfect being you could ever find in the world. She may be a nutcase for others but beyond that all I could say was that I fell in love with this sweet smiling stranger. I needed to find her. I had to find her. Each day, I looked forward to the day that I might bump into her and finally tell her my name. I never had the chance to ask her what was her course, her favourite color, her favourite food, nor her name. I had no idea who was she beyond the walls of the library. I used to see her around but now, where could she be? Is there any part of this campus that I haven’t come across? Where could she be?

           Like any chapter in a story, every wait must come to its end. I had the feeling that I will see her today. As usual, I dressed up, ate my lunch and rushed to school. The first half of the day went well. I had to stay a little while in class to finish our group experiment. It was half past twelve but our experiment was not even halfway done. We had to follow specific instructions and time was very important in this experiment. I was getting tense. I couldn’t keep my eyes off my clock. It was one o’clock, half past one, then 2 o’clock. There was something pushing me to feel this uneasiness. Instead of getting tense due to excitement, I was tense because I felt that there was something wrong. I didn’t know. I really felt as if something was not right. When we were cleaning our area, there was a loud, eerie, siren echoing near the campus. The sound of it gave me goose bumps at my nape. My group mates and I stared below the building through the windows of the laboratory, trying to figure out what the ruckus was all about. There was a commotion going on below. There were medics and they were carrying a body covered in white sheet. We finished cleaning our station and speedily went downstairs to gather more information. They said that there was a student who committed suicide at the girl’s C.R at the twelfth floor of the campus library. The girl’s name was Miranda Ruiz. Eighteen years of age, a third year Education student. No one was certain why she committed suicide. Some rumours said, she was pregnant but this was later on debunked by the Dean when he had a talk about suicide a week after the incident. Some rumours say, she was raped, while others say it was that she flunked school. Everyone has their own version. Some despised her. Some pitied her. After forty-days, the school called for a mass for the girl who committed suicide. I attended the mass and, I was thankful at the same time, broken hearted. I never thought I would see her again. On the other hand, it would be the last day that we would see each other. It was only then that I found out that Miranda Ruiz was also the girl reading me stories every day. It was the same girl who I was looking for and missing so bad. My tears fell like rain and my muscles lost their strength. I couldn’t stand up. I just can’t. After the mass, I stayed for a while and talked to God. Why? Why did she do it? She was always smiling. She has that vibrant aura. Why of all people, her? Why didn’t you stop her? Why? I cried again. It wasn’t God’s fault, it was mine. If I was able to reach the library by twelve, I could have stopped her. I would have saved her. If I didn’t choose my group experiment, I would have saved her. I would have. Slowly, I picked up myself and gathered enough strength to bring myself up again to the twelfth floor. I sat on the seat were we used to hang out and cried some more. I can’t help it. I have no one to blame but myself. I would have been there for her. Why didn’t she tell me what was wrong? I wiped my tears and convinced myself, who was I to her? I am nothing but a stranger that she talks to ‘cause she finds me pathetic and lonely out here. I was trying to reach my bag when a piece of paper fell beneath the table and slowly down to the floor. It was a note. I picked it up. It was from her. The note says:
“We never had the chance to know each other’s name. My name is Miranda Ruiz. I hope to see you next semester. Smile some more! It looks good on you
M.R.”
I couldn’t stop myself from pouring so many tears. I placed her note for me to the pocket next to my heart. Finally, I decided to look for the book that she read to me. I wanted to read it the same way she read it. Every day, I spent one or two hours reading one chapter a day. I disciplined myself not to get over excited and read the whole thing within just one day. I even went to school during weekends just to read one chapter. As I passed from one chapter to another, I could hear her talking to me, telling what the chapter was all about. As I passed from one chapter to another, I couldn’t stop myself from crying before I placed the book back to its shelf. There was even an incident where in I saw a student trying to borrow the book. I had to stop her from borrowing it and ended up treating her for lunch just to convince her not to. During lunch, she asked me why. I told her the story. She was moved by it. I never thought the story will be passed around and even published at our school newspaper. It never bothered me. I just kept on reading and reading the book ‘cause it was all that mattered to me during those days. I read past the second to the last chapter and was also moved by the chapter. She was right. She has always been right. Then, I finally reached the last chapter. Before I opened the book, I prayed to God to tell her how much I liked her. How much her smile meant for me and how much she changed my life. Before, I was invisible for three years of stay in this school but now, I learned to make friends just to know if anyone knows her. I wished that she would tell me why she finished her life so early and finally move on with mine. I took a deep breath and finished the last chapter. On the last page, there was a letter taped at the back cover. This could be it. I said to myself.  I gently took off the tape and opened the letter. It was written again by her, with the date written on the same day she committed suicide. Everything was stated there. The day that we first met, how she felt when I was sitting next to her, looking at her with seemingly furious eyes. She also wrote her first impression of me. She knew that used to be my spot. She felt it but she decided not to give it up to tease me. She waited for me to tap her and ask her to move away. She also wrote how badly she missed me when she got sick. As my reading progressed, I gradually learned that behind her sweet smiles was a bitter truth that she had to face alone every day. I wanted to finish her letter but everything was there. I wanted the truth but I can’t handle it. It was horrifying for me to read. Some of the words are even hard to understand because of the tears that fell down to it and dampen the paper. What made me sorry and weep was her last lines. It said, “I was hoping if you can read me one of your novels to somehow ease this feeling but you never came. It was fun when it lasted and it was one of the best memories I have before I leave. I love you, bye. Ps. It is true that shit happens but please don’t create your own shit to face. Life is a shit hole. Let it be the one to throw you shit.” She loved me too! But I was too late. I was too late.  

She is always smiling. Even on her darkest hours, she is sweetly smiling, trying to cover every pain, every suffering she was going through with that sweet, innocent smile of hers. Even after life was drained from her human body, she kept on smiling as if she has finally found the peace and happiness that never belonged to her. All along I thought her flesh was transparent that I can penetrate her soul, that she bears no worries, no problems, and no pain. She is strong in that sense to me and I can see she has everything. But, I was wrong. I failed to see that she was as lonely as I am. She was invisible and all she has was her two friends. I can’t see her beyond the walls of that hallow library since past those walls, she was a ghost posing her smile to enlighten everyone and make them feel they are visible. This time, I finally fully understood why she is always smiling.