At some point of our lives, we become like philosophers asking for the reason of our existence. It's a process that, I guess, every one has to go through. When things don't go the way you expect them to go, when your choices are beyond the rational mind, when you feel lost. These are the usual times when we ask ourselves (even the "astral beings", "creator" or what ever you believe in) "what is the essence of my life?" or "Why am I supposed to take this path?" or "Why am I here?" So, why are we here? Why do we exist? Honestly, I can't answer you 'cause right now I am too, is soul-searching, looking for the "whys" in my life. When I was in grade school to high school, I envisioned myself that one day I will be the start of a change. I love to write back then and I thought writing will be my weapon to start that change but I was wrong. As years passed, a lot of challenges has come to me that caused my first love to gradually die. I stopped writing. Then, of course, I still have that will to make a change so I tried to figure out where I am good at. I discovered that I am good with speaking and interacting. So, I tried inspiring individuals and touching their lives which, at the beginning, turned out well. People tell me that I have the qualities of a charismatic leader. I thought, my charisma will be my weapon for change, but I was wrong. Again, by struck of luck, circumstances didn't go the way they should be which again caused the death of my confidence. From that point and on, I had nothing. I lost myself. I lost interest to live. It's easy to say, "you can just find something that will arouse your interest" or "do something useful with your life!" But when you're lost and don't know where or what to do, you just have to stop, and that's what I did. Selfish, yes! But I know I needed it. No one is alike. We can't force a bird to swim like a fish or a fish to run like a jaguar. During my selfish days, I went from place to place. Worked from a company to another. I needed information. I need to find what will satisfy my thirst for existence. 'Till now, I don't now what prevents me to cease existing. I'm tired, bored, and stupefied of this life that I am living. I am not even alive! Walking but dead. Awake but unconscious. Even as I read this I want to choke myself 'cause I can see what is wrong with the person writing (which is me) but I can't do anything to make it right. It felt like the me, writing and me, reading are two different individuals who can't come up with a decision. The "writing" me will argue with the "reading" me but by the end of the day, the "doing" me will pop up and come up with a crazy decision that neither the "writing" nor the "reading" me has thought of. And, it will ruin everything. So, these are the three voices telling me why I exist! The part telling me to make a change, the part of me telling me you can't make a change, and the other part who just kept yelling, "WHO GIVES A F*CK".
If you have these three voices in your head as well, you might not give in to my title 'cause the more you give yourself a break, the more the third voice will keep screaming on top of it's lungs "WHO GIVES A F*CK!" Well, it worked for me. I hope it works with you too. I can't give you an advice what and how to answer your philosophical questions. Those are not meant for me to answer, but yours! What do you want to do for the rest of your life? What do you want to be? When I say what you want to be, scrutinize every aspect. What work do you want? Want to get married or not? With your family or without? Travel or not? Know what you want. From then, think of what you need to do to get what you want. Not abruptly but gradually. You will face challenges along the way and the third voice will keep on screaming at you. Beware for it. It will cause you to lose sight of what you want and lose your way. From time to time, take a deep breath and loose the tension in your body. Now, advice me. What can I do to kill the me who kept yelling "WHO GIVES A F*CK?"